Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talkingby Susan Cain
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain is aimed at helping introverts survive in a world tailored for extroverts. This book contains advice on bettering your communication skills, improving efficiency at work, and forming deeper bonds with extroverts.
Part I: The Extrovert Ideal
“We need leaders who build not their own egos but the institutions they run.”
Much of society is geared towards helping extroverts to succeed in life. When it comes to dating, job seeking, social success, etc, there is a ton of advice on how to become more extroverted, so that you can succeed. “The Extrovert Ideal” is nothing new either, it can be found in our DNA. However, this advice often fails to account for those who are naturally more introverted.
Introverts don’t need to become extroverted to succeed, they just need to know how to play to their strengths. Both introverts and extroverts have qualities that facilitate success, however, the introverted qualities tend to get overlooked and considered less important. Quiet leaders can be just as, if not more, effective than loud ones. Even successful extroverted leaders need to balance their charisma with introverted skills such as listening before acting, focusing on building their character over their social circle, etc.
When you focus on building your character, you will naturally become more innovative. If you know how to work and create as an individual, you’ll be more confident in your skills. Plus, to be able to contribute effectively to a team, you’ll need to be sure of what you can do. Introverted skills focus heavily on self-development and improving one’s current standards, which is critical to success.
Actions to take
Part II: Your Biology, Your Self?
“Most situations were not as stable as they appeared to be.”
How much of our personalities are in our biology? Psychologists have shown that adult personalities can be linked to behaviors they displayed as far back as when they were a baby. Neuroscientists can also link these personalities - and behaviors - to specific brain activities. Particularly, studies have shown that the brain plays a role in how sensitive one is, both emotionally and to their surroundings, and this ultimately affects their personality.
Of course, your biology doesn’t fully determine your personality. Simply having the genes for introvertedness doesn’t mean much, as personality is something you can control. Both introverts and extroverts have their strengths and weaknesses, and both need to be flexible in order to succeed. It’s important to assess your qualities and understand what you need to do to succeed in your unique situation. Then, do it, regardless of whether it is an introverted or extroverted action.
Remember that pursuing activities for the sake of the activity itself, rather than for a reward, is a characteristic of success. While introverts tend to enjoy working itself, extroverts tend to enjoy the success the work brings. However, when you focus too much on the reward, you lose track of your original purpose. To truly perform your best, you should feel rewarded by successfully doing your work.
Actions to take
Part III: Do All Cultures Have An Extrovert Ideal?
“Conviction is conviction, at whatever decibel level it’s expressed.”
Extroversion or introversion can be ingrained from a young age. Some cultures teach introversion from childhood. Asians, for example, tend to be more introverted, whereas Europeans tend to be more extroverted. Whether it’s asking questions in class, discussing ideas at work, etc, European culture thinks of it as productive, whereas Asians tend to feel like it distracts them from actually working. This is reinforced by parenting. The West focuses on individualism and expressing yourself, whereas the East prioritizes collectivism and contributing to the group.
There is no right and wrong. They are both different ways of working, and each comes with their strengths and weaknesses. There is significant merit to the traditional introverted method. Leaders must have soft power, which is built with the persistence that comes with silently trying and trying again. You tend to attract those that share your cause. Pursuing it single mindedly will naturally put you around others who are doing the same. When you are good at what you do, your actions will speak louder than words.
Actions to take
Part IV: How To Love, How To Work
“Our lives are drastically enhanced when we’re involved in core personal projects that we consider meaningful, manageable, and not unduly stressful, and that are supported by others.”
Much of our happiness stems from the activities we choose to engage in. When we take the time to do what we love and believe in, we’ll naturally be much more enthusiastic about it too. This is the reason that introverts can be excellent public speakers - they’re speaking about topics they enjoy.
When it comes to relationships, introverts and extroverts can be a good match if they are understanding of each other’s communication style and feelings. It’s also important to commit to tweaking the way you communicate with your partner so that you can get your message across clearly. Remember that introverts and extroverts speak, process and understand things differently. To be an effective communicator, you must cater to these differences.
The qualities associated with introverts, such as empathy and self-reflection, help greatly with parenting too. Not only do they help guide your decisions, but they are also good values to instill in your children from an early age. Of course, it is important to teach your kids “extroverted” qualities too, such as how to socialize well.
Actions to take
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