Expand your circle of concern and you become harder to offend

The author once described a simple practice: draw circles, then pull someone closer. He sketched a small ring labeled “self,” then wider ones—family, friends, community, strangers, and finally “all people.” He wrote three names in each. The page looked almost childlike, but it changed his week. At the grocery store, the cashier fumbled with the register and apologized. He heard himself say, “No rush,” and meant it. The line moved. No one died. His coffee was still warm when he reached the car.

Two days later, a neighbor complained about leaves near the fence. Old habits flashed: defend, counter‑complain. Instead, he tried a tiny experiment. He said, “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll rake tonight,” then asked, “Anything else around the yard you’ve noticed?” The neighbor softened and offered to lend a better rake. The whole exchange took four minutes and a lot less adrenaline than a fight.

When he told his students to try it, one reported back: “I used ‘same human team’ when a teammate missed a deadline. We reset the plan in five minutes.” Another said, “I felt less fragile in the hallway at school. People were just people again.” You don’t need to be a saint. You just need a cue that reminds you you’re not alone.

Socially, widening identification reduces threat reactivity and fuels pro‑social behavior. It doesn’t mean tolerating harm or dropping boundaries. It means choosing goodwill first, then acting fairly. The habit makes you a steadier partner at home and a calmer colleague at work. It also feels better than carrying small grudges like stones in your pocket.

Draw concentric circles—self, family, friends or colleagues, community, strangers, and all people—and write three names in each. Choose one person from an outer ring and plan a small goodwill act this week. When someone annoys you, say “same human team” under your breath and respond with a fair question or a brief helpful action. At night, jot one line about where you widened the circle and how it changed the vibe. It’s simple, and honestly it takes less energy than being annoyed all day. Try it tomorrow morning.