Spark motivation by tapping into what people really want

Medium - Requires some preparation Recommended

You need your roommate to turn down the music—you both have early meetings tomorrow. Instead of demanding, “Stop that volume,” you knock gently and ask: “How important is sleep for you tomorrow?” They admit they’re tired too. You smile and say, “Then how about lowering it by two notches so we can both get rest?” They agree immediately because you spoke to what they wanted—good sleep.

Research in behavioral economics shows that aligning choices with personal values boosts follow-through by up to 40%. By first identifying what someone craves—recognition, comfort, autonomy—and then showing how your ask delivers it, you transform a reluctant “maybe” into a wholehearted “yes.”

You start by listening for what they deeply want, then paint your request as the fastest path to that goal. Finally, you invite their input to seal the commitment. Give it a try in your next ask.

What You'll Achieve

You’ll gain clarity on others’ true drivers and avoid wasted pitches. You’ll inspire quicker decisions and build trust by showing real empathy.

Align benefits with desires

Ask about their priorities

Start by asking, “What outcome matters most to you?” This lets you learn their true motivation—whether it’s prestige, security, time or creativity.

Match your request to their desire

Frame your proposal around that priority. For instance, “This project could showcase your design skills to senior leaders,” aligns with a desire for recognition.

Highlight quick wins

Show how taking action now brings immediate progress on what they want—“You can see how your concept works in real time.”

Check back for buy-in

Pause and ask, “Does that feel like the right approach to you?” This invites collaboration and commitment.

Reflection Questions

What do people you lead most care about?
How can your next request be reframed to match their priorities?
What quick payoff can you highlight to gain fast commitment?
When was the last time you asked about someone’s real goals?
How will you adjust your language to reflect their desires?

Personalization Tips

Health: “If your goal is more energy for evening walks, cutting sugar will help you feel lighter today.”
Parenting: “You love seeing your kids’ smiles—helping with their art project will brighten their whole week.”
Sales: “This pitch can add fifteen closing opportunities to your pipeline—how does that sound?”