Let Go of Shame: Stop Trying to Please Others and Reclaim Your Power

Your phone buzzes, a parent’s gentle reminder—or perhaps a friend’s nudge—about what you 'really should' be doing. Each tap brings that subtle rush of stress: Will I let them down? What will they think? For years you found approval by following expectations, even when they didn’t fit. But the praise never seemed to fill you up, instead fuelling dread of the next possible failure.

The turning point comes in a small, quiet moment: you decline an invitation you’d usually accept just to keep the peace. The world doesn’t end—and maybe, you notice, your breath flows a little easier. Social psychologists call this 'self-determination'—living by internal rather than external standards, a key factor in meaningful happiness.

It’s not about rejecting everyone or refusing to compromise. It’s about pausing, noticing when you’re acting only to win approval or escape shame, and making space for your own voice. While you might feel guilt at first, the long-term effect is deeper confidence, a renewed sense of power, and relationships that respect your boundaries rather than exploit your fears.

Reflect honestly on when you last acted just to receive praise, and whose standards were driving that choice. Choose one area, even a small one—like how you spend your Saturday or which class to sign up for—and act from your own values or interests. It may feel unfamiliar or even risky, but each time you choose authenticity over approval, you chip away at unnecessary shame and strengthen your sense of agency. Try it once this week, then see where it leads.