Ditch the Scripts: Finding Joy in What Actually Matters to You

Society hands us rulebooks almost from birth: what’s considered success, how to behave, and even what happiness should look like. For some, these rules provide structure, but for others, especially those whose desires or strengths don’t fit the template, they bring confusion and anxiety. It’s striking how often people go through years or decades ticking boxes on someone else's checklist, only to feel unfulfilled, restless, or quietly resentful.

One afternoon, you stop and notice that your calendar—dense with obligations that seemed non-negotiable—leaves out the activities where your eyes actually light up. Maybe it’s drawing, running, volunteering, or just walking to a different bus stop for the change of scenery. The scripts you follow—work harder, get promoted, never slow down—may have promised satisfaction. Yet, internal research on motivation and self-determination theory reveals that autonomy (acting from your own interests) is key to lasting happiness and engagement.

Real growth requires periodically questioning: Who benefits from this script? Is it designed to help you thrive, or did it serve a different era, a different person? With gentle trial and error, you’ll remake your sense of direction and happiness into something personal, and perhaps a bit rebellious.

Start by jotting down the old advice, rules, and expectations you’ve quietly followed since childhood—really lay them out. Ask yourself if these still feel true, and if not, let yourself be curious about activities, values, or ways of living that might offer you more joy. Try one small experiment—maybe attend a workshop, start a new routine, or just do something at your own pace. Afterwards, reflect honestly: What felt right? What didn’t? Let this be your next step toward owning your story, not living out someone else’s.