Obedience Isn’t Always Good: Breaking the Habit of Blind Authority

You’ve probably heard it a thousand times: 'Just do what you’re told.' Maybe it’s from your boss, coach, or even a parent. At first, it feels safer—less risky. But there’s one Friday that stands out: your supervisor, arms crossed and rushed, asks you to skip a few standard checks closing up the store early. You sense something’s off, but you nod. The next morning, you find out supplies were stolen overnight, and everyone’s in trouble. Now you feel a knot in your stomach. Should you have spoken up?

Social psychology tells us that most people default to obedience, especially in formal hierarchies. Behavioral science—even landmark studies like Milgram’s obedience experiments—reveals an uncomfortable truth: people commit harmful acts less because they’re cruel, and more because they’re told to by someone with authority. But our sense of agency—the ability to choose and be responsible—can grow if we pause to reflect and engage.

Claiming your agency doesn’t mean rebelling at every turn. In practice, it’s about cultivating the habit of asking honest questions: Who benefits from this order? Does it align with my values? What are the possible consequences for others? Sometimes, the answer reassures you, and you proceed. Other times, like on that Friday night, a respectful question or moment of pause could save a lot of regret—maybe even change a system over time.

Real leadership, it turns out, isn’t about following every command. It’s about engaging thoughtfully, taking responsibility, and having the courage to advocate for what feels right—even if it means risking a disapproving look now and then.

Before automatically following your next order or directive, take a moment to observe the expected response. Is compliance your default? Deliberately ask yourself why this instruction is given and who will be affected. Recall a time when you obeyed but felt uneasy about the results and reflect on what you might do differently now. Don’t be afraid to ask respectful questions or seek clarification when something feels off—sometimes, that moment of agency can prevent bigger problems and earn genuine trust. Try practicing this at your next opportunity, even in small, everyday contexts like group projects or routine rules.