Remove these phrases from your dictionary.

Each of these phrases can be very offensive and can be understood as a direct attack on the person you are talking to. For example, when you say, “But you just said, …” you send the information that the second person changes their mind quickly and is not consistent with what they are saying. It might be true, but using this expression may make them angry and put them in a defensive state.

By using different phrases, you keep the conversation in a much better emotional state.


  1. Don’t say, “We need to talk.”
    Say instead, “I need your help.”
  2. Don’t say, “What’s wrong with you?”
    Say instead, “What’s bothering you?”
  3. Don’t say, “You said ...” or, “But you just said …”
    Say instead, “I heard/I understood …”
  4. Don’t say, “That doesn’t make any sense.”
    Say instead, “I don’t understand what you mean by saying …”


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