Negotiate with the Feeling Brain in a language it understands.

Sometimes, we don’t do required things because we don’t feel like it. The Feeling Brain doesn’t understand facts and reasoning. We can’t logically force ourselves to do things that are good for us despite our impulses and emotions. The Feeling Brain will make you logically justify any bad decisions or cravings. Only by speaking to both brains and integrating them into the cooperative, coordinated, united whole is it possible to do what is right over the long term.


  1. Apply empathy and feelings when making decisions.
    Emotional problems can only have emotional solutions.

    1. Think about the benefits of some desired new behavior.
    2. Mention all the sexy, shiny, and fun things at the desired destination.
    3. Remind yourself what you felt when you previously acted in the desired way (respect for yourself, happy, proud).
    4. Envision how great you will feel after following through with your goals.
  2. Offer the Feeling Brain something easy with an emotional benefit.
    You will or will not act depending on how the Feeling Brain responds to your offer. The response will be in the form of feelings (excitement, anxiety, laziness).

  3. Keep negotiating.
    If the response is negative and you don’t act—acknowledge the negative emotion and offer another compromise or a more beneficial reward.

  4. Don’t fight the Feeling brain.
    You won’t ever win. Fighting about feeling bad will make the feeling even worse.


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