Do an accusation audit.

The best way to deal with negativity is to observe it, without reaction and without judgment. Then consciously label each negative feeling and replace it with positive, compassionate, and solution-based thoughts. Labels are powerful because they bathe fears in sunlight, bleaching them of their power and showing our counterparts that we understand.


  1. List every terrible thing your counterpart could say about you.
    This is called an accusation audit.

  2. For each negative statement on the list, create a label that might disarm or identify your counterpart’s fears or feelings.
    For example, a possible accusation may be, “You are a big, bad prime contractor that treated us unfairly.”A possible label (response to accusation) is, “It seems you feel this work was promised to you from the beginning. You may feel like we treated you unfairly because the deal changed.”


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