Ask yourself the eight most important questions.

Implementation of all of the above rules requires a systematic practice and awareness. Some of the most basic communication mistakes (for example, telling your children or employees what they shouldn’t do instead of what they should do) are so common that despite their dysfunctionality, they are perceived as something “normal” by most people.


  1. Write down the message you want to tell someone right now.

  2. Evaluate whether you adhere to the rules of effective communication by asking yourself these eight questions:

  3. Is what you say possible to realize?
    If not, then the verbal message cannot be done and makes no sense.

  4. Is what you say precisely formulated?
  5. Is what you say positively formulated?
  6. Are you talking to others or to yourself?
    Other people cannot understand how you want to be understood because that can only be done by yourself.
  7. Is what you say a “mind reading” or a description of measurable facts?
    Always describe measurable facts instead of trying to read minds.
  8. Does what you say to describe what you feel, or does it attack your interlocutor?
    Offending your interlocutors usually activates their defense mechanisms, which helps them defend their self-image.
  9. Does what you say concern a person or their behaviors?
    Our opinions about others are always generalized, and we usually reduce them to a common denominator. Express opinions about people's behaviors, not about them in general.
  10. Does what you say have hidden intentions?
    Say directly what you want to communicate.


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