Apply this strategy when you feel anger.
There is no point in blaming others when we feel bad. It makes no sense at all on a practical level of reason. If we want to solve the matter constructively, we have to allow that person to understand what is going on inside of us, how we really feel.
When you accuse someone of something, the accused person has two possible choices: to take your words personally (which will make them feel hopeless and restrain them from changing their behavior) or to reject them (which won’t change their behavior either).
- Take a pause.
Stop for a moment and take a breath. Put aside any accusations against the other person.
- Be aware of thoughts that are the source of anger.
Reflect on them deeply. What judgment, opinion, or belief in your head makes you feel the way you feel?
- Understand your needs.
If you already know the thought behind the source of anger, consider what need this thought comes from. What specifically are you missing?
- Express your needs.
Do not judge the other person. Talk only about your feelings, which appeared due to the particular behavior of that person.
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