Curiosity beats technique when you want people to open up

You’re standing in line, coffee cooling in your hand, already drafting what you’ll say in the next meeting. The barista asks how you are, and you murmur “Good,” eyes down. Then you decide to try something different. When she slides over the change, you ask, “What’s been the best part of your morning?” She mentions a customer who returned after months away, smiling shyly. You notice the way her shoulders lower as she talks, like she’s setting down a small weight.

Later, a teammate gives a status update that sounds fine on the surface. You ask, “What felt heavy about this?” He hesitates, then admits he’s worried about launching with a shaky vendor. You resist offering fixes, and say, “So you’re uneasy trusting their timeline.” He nods. In two sentences, you’ve learned something real. A plan forms to pressure-test the schedule before it slips.

That evening, your kid grumbles about soccer and says they want to quit. Every muscle in you wants to respond, “Don’t quit!” Instead, you ask, “When did it start feeling bad?” They talk about drills that happen after they’re already tired. You reflect, “So it’s not soccer, it’s that last twenty minutes.” Together you consider a snack earlier and a word with the coach. The mood at the dinner table lifts.

Curiosity is a behavior, not a personality trait. It’s expressed through open prompts, “say more,” and reflections that name meaning, not just facts. Behavioral science shows open questions reduce defensiveness, reflections increase feeling understood, and small disclosures build trust. Curiosity nudges the other person’s brain toward safety, which encourages clearer thinking and fuller stories. Technique helps, but genuine interest does the heavy lifting.

Today, pick one ordinary interaction and decide you’ll learn one thing that matters to that person. Open with a simple non-leading prompt like “What’s been on your mind today?” and then ride one thread when it appears—ask for a little more detail about the feeling or the moment that mattered. Reflect back the meaning you heard, not just the logistics, in a short sentence that shows you got it. Close by thanking them and offering a tiny next step if one naturally fits. Keep it small, light, and real; you’re building a muscle, not performing. Give it a try tonight.