Beat anxiety by installing a bigger, better offer called curiosity

Anxiety often arrives like weather, not like a choice. Your phone vibrates, a name flashes, and your chest tightens before you even swipe. The mind pushes back—don’t feel this, not now—and the body tightens more. Try a different entry. Say, “anxiety is here,” and let your eyes open just a little wider than usual. Add a quiet “hmm,” the sound you make when you’re interested in a new recipe or a bird you can’t quite identify on a walk.

Now find the strongest sensation. Maybe it’s a band around your ribs or a fizzing in the throat. Ask where exactly it lives, whether it moves, if it has edges. For the next minute, drop the story and let your curiosity do the work. One client told me she realized the knot in her gut pulsed like a slow tide and then softened when she tracked it, which surprised her enough to laugh.

There’s a micro-anecdote I love. A nurse kept saying “hmm” under her breath before entering a room that scared her. Two weeks later she noticed the habit was automatic, and the rooms felt less sharp. She still had hard days, but the urge to bolt had lost its edge. I might be wrong, but the small rituals that shift our state are the ones we actually use.

From a brain point of view, this works because curiosity is rewarding and expansive, the opposite of the contracted feel of anxiety. Reward-based learning always chooses the more valuable option over time. When you install an internally available, more pleasant “behavior” (curiosity), your habits naturally pivot toward it. You’re not forcing calm, you’re training preference.

When anxiety pops, say, “anxiety is here,” then gently widen your eyes and let a soft “hmm” come through your nose or lips. Pick the strongest sensation and get interested in its exact location, movement, and feel for a minute. Then ask your body which feels better, curiosity or spinning, and let that answer guide what you do next. Repeat this tiny sequence each time you feel a jolt today, so your brain starts preferring the bigger, better offer without a fight. Try it with the very next ping you get.