Why Pushing Harder Might Be What’s Hurting You Most

You’ve been told that success demands nonstop effort, and you’ve taken that to heart. You push yourself through late nights, double meetings, and endless to-do lists because you believe harder work equals better outcomes. But lately, you notice a familiar ache in your chest and a voice that whispers it’s still not enough. One morning after oversleeping for the third time in a week, you catch your reflection in the bathroom mirror and hear yourself lash out, “You’re worthless.” The sting in your own words surprises you. Take a breath. Remember the giggle of your niece who thinks your hiccups are hilarious, the rose you admired at the corner florist, the warmth of your partner’s morning hug. Notice how your body tightens and how your mind rushes. You place your hand over your heart and draw in a gentle, forgiving breath. You say aloud, “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.” You feel the tension soften. Research shows that self-compassion—speaking to yourself as you would a friend—engages the parts of your brain responsible for calm and repair. By replacing harsh self-criticism with gentle kindness, you quiet fight-flight responses and build emotional resilience.

When you feel that old chest-tightening, reach over and place a hand on your heart. Notice the words you’re running in your mind and imagine saying them to someone you love dearly. Then turn them around—speak to yourself as kindly as you would to a child or a friend. Do this for two or three minutes each morning, breathing slowly as you repeat a gentle affirmation. Over time, you’ll practice responding with compassion instead of criticism—give it a try tomorrow morning.