Why Trying to Please Everyone Is a Recipe for Burnout

Every “yes” you give to please someone is a “no” you give yourself. Last summer, graphic designer Marisol spent weekends working on other people’s favors—PowerPoints for her sister, lawn care for a neighbor, and editing social media for a friend’s startup. By Monday, she was exhausted, resentful, and her own deadlines were slipping. One evening after a frantic rush to meet a client’s change request, she paused. Her laundry sat undone, her fridge was empty, and she hadn’t seen her partner all weekend. She realized pleasing everyone else left her burned out. She decided to try something different. She wrote down her top three values—health, quality work, and her relationship. The next morning, her neighbor asked to borrow her power washer. Marisol paused, taking three deep breaths, and said, “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m focusing on my project this weekend.” She felt a twinge of guilt, but also relief. That evening, she cooked a healthy meal, wrapped up presentations early, and finally relaxed. Research on self-determination theory shows acting in line with your core values boosts intrinsic motivation and well-being. When Marisol aligned her yeses with her priorities, she regained her energy and creative spark.

Tomorrow, catch yourself before saying yes. Pause three breaths, glance at your core values list, and politely decline if it doesn’t fit. Notice the relief in protecting your priorities. Give it a try next time someone asks you for a favor.