Embrace your flaws to unlock genuine self-acceptance

We spend so much energy trying not to feel our worst emotions—shame, envy, guilt—that we end up in a game of hide-and-seek with ourselves. A client once told me she’d rather let a joint fall out of her hand than admit she felt worthless most days. But denying those feelings only buries them deeper, where they fester.

One afternoon, as a teacher turned client, I stood before a mirror and said, “I feel ashamed that I make mistakes, and I accept this feeling.” The tightness in my throat was real, the hairs on my arm tingled—but I stayed there in the raw experience. After three minutes, the tremor softened. The shame hadn’t vanished—it was still there—but it no longer felt like a vice grip. In naming and accepting it, I reclaimed my self-respect.

Research on emotional regulation shows that allowing ourselves to experience an emotion fully—rather than rejecting it—lets the limbic system discharge the tension naturally. Our prefrontal cortex then steps in to integrate the lesson: “This feeling doesn’t define me; it’s just part of me.” Over time, the emotion loses its tyranny.

This practice isn’t a one-off cure but a pathway to self-friendship. You learn that you can hold the darkest parts of yourself without losing your wholeness. And each time you meet your flaws with acceptance, you expand the space within your heart for genuine self-love.

Tonight, pick one shame you hide. Sit quietly, breathe into the physical tension, and say, “I feel [the emotion], and I accept this feeling.” Stay with it for at least three minutes. You’ll feel the tension ease and a new calm replace the old self-judgment—give it a try.