Step into the spotlight to heal deep self-alienation

I’ll never forget the day I watched my seven-year-old granddaughter build a towering block castle in her living room. She made each piece carefully, eyes shining. When she finally beamed, “Grandpa, look at this!” I was at my desk and only gave a distracted “Nice job.” Her shoulders slumped, and I saw the look of deflation: she felt invisible.

I felt horrible but also woke up to how often I’d brushed off others’ moments—colleagues brimming with ideas or friends struggling in silence. In my therapy work, I hear countless adults who carry that childhood echo: “I wasn’t seen.” They learned that sharing themselves was pointless. They retreated from intimacy and lived half-present. Their self-esteem bled out in that void.

I made a vow—to give radical visibility. Next time my granddaughter built her next masterpiece, I said, “You placed each block so carefully; it’s taller than you are—how proud you must feel.” Her grin was instant affirmation: “You get me, Grandpa.” In that moment I saw the power of acknowledgment to fill an invisible void.

Since then, I’ve practiced this everywhere—clients, colleagues, family. I introduce pauses after people speak and mirror back what I heard before I dive in. Not only do they feel seen, but I feel more connected, more real. That simple act heals old wounds of invisibility and builds self-esteem brick by brick.

Tonight, try this: when someone shares—even in a quick text—pause, then reflect back exactly what you heard. And next time you have something to share, ask first, “Can you repeat what I just said?” Kindling real visibility warms both hearts. It makes us all feel a little more alive.