Step outside yourself to tame regret

Humans aren’t meant to live glued to our first-person lens. Social psychologists show we often make wiser decisions when we view our own choices from a third-person viewpoint. In other words, the mind is a camera—sometimes you need to zoom out for clarity.

Imagine you’re watching your own life on a big screen. You see your name in the lower corner: ‘Jordan.’ You hear Jordan’s racing thoughts: ‘I shouldn’t have snapped.’ Now you’re an impartial observer. You notice the tone of voice, the room’s lighting, the echo in your head. That distance tames the tidal wave of shame and frees you to see what Jordan could do differently.

Similarly, research finds that fast-forwarding—from today to a decade ahead—reduces panic and helps you weigh options more logically. Those future selves, unburdened by today’s heat, offer simple counsel: ‘Don’t overthink, just call them.’

In business, Andy Grove’s ‘premortem’ works the same way—teams imagine a project has failed and diagnose causes before they start. By anticipating regret from multiple angles—self-distancing in time and space—you gather insights you’d miss in the thick of disappointment.

That shift from immersion to observation isn’t escaping your pain. It’s using your imagination’s superpower to reframe regret into an instruction manual for better choices.

Start by describing your recent regret as if you’re talking about someone else—use your name and ‘she’ or ‘he.’ Then, close your eyes and imagine yourself ten years from now looking back; note the single best piece of advice you’d offer. Finally, draw or write a bird’s-eye summary of what happened. These small distance techniques turn regret into clarity. Give it a shot next time you feel stuck—you’ll be amazed at the new perspective.