Stop calling it bad and start asking what is true now

Your phone buzzes with a short message that hits like a punch: “We’re going in a different direction.” In a heartbeat, labels fly in—unfair, blown, embarrassing. You feel heat in your ears and the coffee on your desk goes cold. It’s tempting to replay every slight detail and build a story about what it means for your future. But the story isn’t the event. The event is a single sentence.

You open a notebook and write exactly that sentence. No adjectives, no extra. A small bit of steadiness returns. You draw two columns: up to me, not up to me. In the first column you list six items—follow up, ask for feedback, tighten the pitch hook, ping two warm leads, fix that weak case study, take a walk. In the second column you put their budget cycle, internal politics, and today’s timing. Seeing it split on paper feels oddly calming.

You ask a strange question: “If there’s even 5% upside here, what is it?” You spot it—their objection reveals a gap you can close across all your pitches. You pick one tiny move, almost too small to matter: rewrite the first three lines of your deck and send a thank-you note asking for two specific critiques. Ten minutes later, you’ve shipped something and the sting has softened.

I might be wrong, but the magic is simple cognitive reappraisal: separating the raw event from your interpretation changes your state and your options. Pair that with the dichotomy-of-control filter—focus effort where it still counts—and you regain agency. Then you use action-tendency: tiny next steps that lower threat, build competence, and reduce rumination. The facts didn’t change. Your handle on them did.

Start by writing the bare event in one neutral sentence, then split a page into “up to me” and “not up to me” to cut through noise. Ask yourself what small benefit could exist here, even at 5%, and make it tangible in ink. Finally, choose one ten-minute action that moves your situation forward, like sending a precise feedback request or fixing the first slide of your pitch. Keep it small on purpose so you actually do it. Close the notebook, do the one move, and notice how it changes your mood. Give it a try tonight.