Quit apologising to yourself and swap guilt for gratitude

For years, I was a chronic people-pleaser—never daring to rock the boat. If someone asked me for a favor, I’d instantly say “I’m sorry” even before I thought about whether I could help. One day, after missing a long-planned girls’ brunch because I’d stayed late on an urgent project, I found myself apologizing again on the phone. My friend sighed and replied, “Stop saying sorry—thank me for waiting.”

That single comment unlocked something in me. The next morning, I tested it out with my therapist: “Thank you for meeting, I really value your guidance.” His jaw dropped—I’d never spoken to him like that. Shifting from “I’m sorry” to “thank you” felt like standing taller in the room. It wasn’t about blame any more; it was about acknowledgment and choice.

Psychologists warn that chronic apologising reinforces a shame response. When you express gratitude instead, you activate reward circuits in the brain, strengthening your sense of self-worth. Suddenly, I wasn’t shrinking back in guilt—I was stepping forward in confidence, and you can too.

Catch yourself the next time you open with “I’m sorry,” and consciously pause. Then say, “Thank you for…,” naming the support or understanding you received. Feel the shift in your chest as gratitude replaces guilt. Keep doing this, and notice how it recalibrates your relationships—and how you treat yourself. Try it today, and watch the power of thank-you transform your interactions.