Stop needing goals and start wanting progress to break obsession

At a Toronto law firm, junior attorney Maya believed she needed the firm’s top performance award to prove her worth. She worked late every night, often skipping meals and social events. Her colleagues complained she was snapping at small issues.

Psychologists call this obsessive passion—where unmet needs create a toxic urgency and narrow thinking. That rush of needing approval hijacks intrinsic motivation, leading to burnout and poor decision-making. Research on obsessive vs. harmonious passion shows that when you reframe that need as a chosen want, you regain self-control and broaden your focus.

Maya tried an experiment. She listed her “needs”: top award, salary bump, senior designation. Then she rewrote them as “wants.” Rather than needing the award to feel worthy, she wanted to deliver meaningful advice to clients. Over the next month, she volunteered for a pro bono project, finding genuine joy in helping underserved families. She still pursued her goals but without the twitchy tension of “need.”

The change was dramatic: her creativity soared, colleagues noticed her calmer tone, and her performance reviews improved. In behavioral science terms, she shifted from external, avoidant motivation to internal, approach orientation—harmonious passion. This was far more sustainable and energizing than the “need” mentality she once carried.

First, write down three things you think you must have to feel successful. Under each, drill into why you need it—validation, fear of missing out, or security concerns. Then rewrite each “need” as a “want”—desire rather than desperation. Finally, choose one daily action that feeds the want, not the need, like focusing on meaningful tasks instead of chasing titles. You’ll find your motivation feels lighter and more aligned.