Open palms build trust and defuse tension
Last spring, Jordan led a project review that was drifting toward blame and defensiveness. When Dave pointed an accusative tone at her team, arms folded across the table, she stopped him mid-sentence. Leaning forward, she turned both palms up and said, “I want us to solve this, not assign fault.” His shoulders sagged and his arms unfolded. The room’s mood shifted instantly—what had been a confrontation became a collaborative discussion.
Jordan understood this technique from her consulting days: open palms are an ancient submission signal—showing you’re unarmed, honest, and ready to cooperate. She had refined two palm positions—the upward plea and the downward command—for different moments. When tensions spike, showing open palms directs attention away from conflict and toward resolution.
Within ten minutes, workstreams realigned and responsibilities were rebalanced. Six weeks later, the project delivered on time, earning Jordan’s team a company award. Her palm strategy had turned hidden tension into shared purpose.
Researchers like Paul Ekman and Allan Pease confirm that palms account for up to 55 percent of nonverbal impact. Visible palms foster openness and defuse suspicion—so the next time you sense a conflict heating up, skim off the tension with your hands.
Picture yourself next time you face pushback in a meeting. When you sense resistance, bring your palms out before you speak—display them casually but clearly. As you make your point, keep palms visible, open, and level. Allow a brief pause so others can see your gesture. You’ll notice shoulders drop and arms relax. Give it a try in your next one-on-one; it’s an instant calm injector.
What You'll Achieve
You’ll communicate sincerity and reduce conflict in tense situations. Internally, you’ll feel empowered to steer heated discussions. Externally, you’ll see quicker alignment, smoother negotiations, and stronger collaboration.
Reveal honesty with your hands
Display open palms
When making a key point or apology, turn both palms upward and hold them there briefly. Keeping your elbows relaxed, this sign of nonthreatening honesty makes others feel safer and heard.
Avoid hidden hands
Resist the urge to tuck your hands in pockets or behind your back during serious talks. Hidden palms subconsciously raise suspicion—keep hands visible to signal transparency.
Match palm angle
If you want to assume authority, turn palms slightly downward; for welcoming or pleading, turn them slightly upward. Mirror their palm tilt if you sense tension, and watch them relax.
Use two-hand gestures sparingly
Double-handed grips or handshakes convey deep sincerity but can intimidate. Reserve these for trusted relationships, and use single open palms for wider rapport.
Reflection Questions
- When have you hidden your palms and later regretted it?
- How does your own comfort level change when your palms are visible?
- What’s one conflict you could practice the open-palm technique in today?
- How might turning palms downward add subtle authority?
Personalization Tips
- In a job interview, place your palms on the desk with fingers splayed when you discuss your real motivations.
- At home, apologize for a misunderstanding while gently raising your palms—conflict melts into calm.
- On a conference call, briefly raise your palms to the webcam when asking for feedback to signal open listening.
The Definitive Book of Body Language
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