Why Cohabitation Before Commitment Backfires

Maria and Luis had been dating long before they started crashing at each other’s apartments. It seemed easy—no more two rents, more togetherness. Yet after six months of sharing a bed, dishes, and Netflix queues, they felt stuck. They hadn’t talked about why they moved in beyond ‘it just happened.’ When Maria mustered the courage to suggest splitting up, Luis balked; they’d already bought new furniture and pooled their pet deposit. That’s lock-in at work: low upfront costs lure you in, but the hidden switching costs—time, money, emotions—pin you down. Maria told friends how miserable she was, and they all admitted they’d jumped in without clear agreement. She eventually sat Luis down and framed cohabitation as a step toward engagement. They agreed to a six-month trial with clear goals and an exit plan.

Research shows living together before a commitment not only increases break-up risk but also weakens long-term dedication. Sliding in makes it easy to avoid honest conversations, while setting clear milestones and mutual expectations transforms cohabitation into a deliberate choice.

Talk openly with your partner about why you want to live together, list three must-have commitments before signing a lease, and draft a simple exit plan so both of you feel secure whether you stay or go. That way, you’ll lock into a shared future rather than a costly mistake—try it before you sign any papers.