Design a life you love with three questions about experiences, growth, and contribution

The simplest way I’ve seen people design a life they enjoy starts with three columns. Experiences are the vivid moments you want to have. Growth is how you want to evolve. Contribution is what you want to give. A product lead I mentored wrote “hike a volcano,” “become a calm presenter,” and “help first‑gen students.” She was surprised how alive she felt just writing them. Her tea went cold as she sketched first steps: book flights, join Toastmasters, email a local mentoring group.

She kept the lists visible. At work, she chose projects that stretched her speaking. On weekends, she trained on a nearby hill. On Thursday nights, she mentored. A small anecdote: three months in, she told me the best part of her week was the bus ride after mentoring, earphones in, feeling both useful and energized.

The key is to avoid means goals. “Get promoted” is a means. What you actually want might be mastery, autonomy, or impact. Experiences, growth, and contribution point you to the end, then your systems bring them to life. If you keep your steps tiny and public, momentum finds you.

This tool works because it aligns intrinsic motivation with identity and action. Self‑determination theory shows that autonomy, competence, and relatedness drive sustained motivation. Experiences satisfy autonomy, growth feeds competence, and contribution builds relatedness. When all three show up each week, well‑being and performance rise together. It’s not magic, just well‑designed living.

Draw three columns and give yourself three minutes per column to list experiences, growth edges, and contributions you want. Circle one item in each and take a tiny step this week—book a class, block a study hour, or send a volunteering email. Share your list with a friend and ask for theirs so you both move. Keep the page visible and add one step per week. Start the lists tonight while your energy is high.