Uncover the real problem by asking what’s the real challenge here for you

Jamal kept saying, “Marketing is slow,” every time the product launch stalled. In stand‑ups, the same story played on loop. The team chased workarounds, added trackers, and copied leaders on threads. Nothing changed. In a one‑to‑one, his manager stirred her coffee and said, “Let’s step back. What’s the real challenge here for you?” Jamal looked down at the scuffed edge of the table.

“It’s not just marketing,” he said after a pause. “I’ve been avoiding a hard conversation with Sam. Last time I pushed, I got defensive and messy, so I’ve gone quiet.” The room felt still, except for the soft hum of the air vent. “And what else?” she asked. “I’m not sure what I actually need from Sam. I send long messages, no clear ask.” Another breath. “Anything else?” “I’m worried about seeming junior.” The real stack of challenges had names now.

They mapped the next action on a sticky: a short brief with two options and a clear request, followed by a ten‑minute call. “If it’s still stuck, we’ll escalate together,” his manager said. “But the first step is yours.” Jamal nodded, and for the first time in weeks his shoulders loosened. He had been solving the wrong problem—systems and speed—when the real challenge was clarity and courage in one relationship.

“I might be wrong, but when we chase the first problem we hear, we often end up fixing symptoms,” his manager added as they packed up. “Asking what’s the real challenge for you keeps us from coaching the ghost.” Jamal laughed. “Yeah, I’ve been arguing with a department in my head.”

Cognitively, this question reorients attention from external blame to internal locus of control, a shift linked with better outcomes. Adding “for you” reduces abstraction, which improves accuracy and recall. Pairing it with “And what else?” avoids premature closure. The result is a smaller, truer problem you can actually solve, not a fog of frustrations.

Let the story roll for a minute, then ask, “What’s the real challenge here for you?” Keep the focus personal with the words “for you,” and follow with “And what else is a real challenge?” once or twice. If the talk drifts toward blaming others, steer it back with a gentle, “What’s your challenge in how you’re handling this?” Only when the true knot is named should you discuss actions. Try this on the next recurring issue that keeps circling your team. Name it before you fix it.