Letting go heals you more than it pardons them

When Marcus got cut off in traffic, his first impulse was honk and curse. But recalling a recent workshop on forgiveness, he closed his eyes at the next light and replayed the moment. He noted that anger was at heart of it—he felt slighted. Instead of furrowed brows he said internally, “I’m sorry you felt disrespected.” Oddly, the traffic noise dulled, replaced by surprise at how his chest unclenched.

Psychologists find that rehearsing forgiveness lowers blood pressure and eases stress hormones. In a study, participants visualizing compassionate responses to an offense had fewer signs of anger and a healthier heart rate. Marcus found that when he let go, the day got lighter. He ended the drive smiling at the irony—he’d never reach work faster by raging.

By choosing compassion over retaliation, you rewrite your emotional autopilot. Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting or letting wrongdoing go unchallenged—it’s about freeing yourself. The more you practice, the more your brain rewires to default toward calm and clarity instead of conflict and confusion.

Try this tonight: pick a small hurt, rate your anger, then write its trigger in one line. Next, speak kind words to yourself as if you were comforting a friend. Finally, close your eyes and mentally release the need for revenge with three deep breaths. Notice how the tension melts away.