Defenses distort reality and fuel hidden self-destructive habits

Maya was a talented project manager whose teams kept missing deadlines. Each time she blamed shifting client demands or teammates’ lack of focus. But when deadlines slipped again, her boss asked her to walk him through the latest mishap step by step. As she retraced her actions, she realized she’d been rationalizing every delay as “just a hiccup,” never acknowledging that her own indecision caused team confusion. She’d wrapped herself in a comfort blanket of rationalization and projection.

Determined to change course, Maya began a simple exercise: At every meeting’s end, she wrote down one thing she’d done that contributed to the delay. She also noted a challenge she’d projected onto others—“They’re the ones dragging their feet”—and then paused to see how her own decisions had shaped the outcome. Labeling these defenses unlocked insight: she saw how denying her own role kept her from making clear calls.

Over the next quarter, Maya used weekly check-ins to rewrite her narrative. She acknowledged her part and committed publicly to specific timelines. She practiced giving and receiving feedback without defensiveness. Instead of saying, “I can’t control clients,” she began to ask, “How can I set expectations more clearly?”

By softening her mental defenses, Maya’s relationships improved and her teams hit 95 percent of their deadlines. She realized that defenses had been her secret obstacles, and dismantling them freed her to make decisions with confidence. In business as in life, spotting and disarming your own mental shields can be the fastest path to real performance improvements.

Imagine you’re in a meeting and catch yourself brushing off a mistake with “That’s not my fault.” Pause and say silently, “Here’s my part.” Then name your defense—“projection.” Ask calmly, “What could I have done differently?” This quick mental habit erodes distorted reflexes and shifts you from blame to ownership. Give it a try in your next status update—notice how your team responds and how much smoother work gets.