Get braver feedback by asking for it before you give it

A manager once asked their team, “Any feedback for me?” Heads dipped, pens clicked, and the room pretended to study the agenda. After the meeting, the manager tried a different approach with one person: “What’s one thing I could do or stop doing to make your work easier this week?” The person hesitated. The manager counted quietly to six. “Honestly, you reply‑all too fast,” the person blurted. The manager laughed, set a rule to draft and delay, and told the team the next morning.

By lunch, people were forwarding fewer email chains, and a junior teammate said their phone finally stopped buzzing through standup. The manager mentioned the change again at the end of the week and showed the drop in message volume. Small win, big signal. People began offering sharper notes, like, “Start decisions with constraints,” and “Move 1:1s earlier on Mondays.” Not every suggestion stuck, but the manager explained why in plain words, which mattered just as much.

There’s a reason asking first works. It flips status quo bias. We’re wired to guard ourselves when we expect criticism. Asking for it first builds psychological safety and models vulnerability in a practical frame: today, this week, one thing. The six‑second pause counters the urge to rescue people from discomfort. Immediate visible changes create positive feedback loops. Over time, you don’t have to beg for input, because everyone has seen that it leads to less friction and better work.

This is not about performative humility. It’s about running a system. One focused question, real listening, brisk follow‑through, and public learning. Teams mirror their managers. If you want directness, be the first to ask for it, sit with the quiet, and prove that candor changes decisions, calendars, and habits.

Start today by asking one person, “What’s one thing I could do or stop doing to make your work easier this week?” Count to six, even if it feels awkward. If you hear something useful, act within 24 hours and tell them what you changed. If you disagree, say why and offer when you’ll revisit the call. At your next team touchpoint, share the feedback you took and the small outcome it produced. Keep using the same question daily with someone new until people begin offering input unprompted. Your inbox and your calendar will tell you it’s working. Try it this afternoon.