The Only Approval You Really Need Is Your Own

You used to chase every nod and head-shake in a room—email notifications buzzing, coffee growing cold in your hand—as if someone’s approval was a hidden ticket to happiness. I might be wrong, but I bet you’ve felt that hollow ache after someone’s praise fades too. Imagine Chris, a software engineer, who held his breath at every code review, his self-worth hanging on a thumbs-up emoji.

One Monday, Chris resolved to try something odd: self-approval. When his manager praised his work, Chris repeated silently, “I did my best and that’s enough.” He noticed his pulse slow and a spark of relief. That afternoon, when the same manager zeroed in on a tiny bug, Chris braced for impact but held steady. He reminded himself of his own competence—something no comment could erase.

A week later, Chris found himself cheering colleagues on instead of pacing for praise. His confidence rippled: better ideas, bolder presentations, and fewer sleepless nights. This shift wasn’t magic—it was science. Social psychologist Dr. Susan Harter showed that internal self-validation builds lasting self-esteem, while external praise fades. When you anchor in self-approval, compliments become extras, not necessities.

When you feel that tug for someone else’s nod, slow down and give yourself credit for what you’ve done—notice the moment your heart rate eases. Catch yourself scribbling praise for your efforts in a notebook before you scroll for likes. Share one small victory with a trusted friend to reinforce that you don’t need a crowd to feel accomplished. Remember, the only applause you must earn comes from within—try it tonight.