Speak Her Language to Evade Fights
Imagine overhearing two people speaking English—yet each believes the other speaks German. They use the same words, but their meanings don’t line up. On Mars and Venus, the languages of feelings and facts often clash the same way. When she says “You’re ignoring me,” you might reflexively defend yourself with a factual rebuttal—“I did text you five minutes ago!”—but to her that only deepens the rift. What if instead you knew that “You’re ignoring me” really means “I’m feeling vulnerable and need connection”? Then, before explaining, you’d simply empathize: “I hear how hurt you feel, and I want to connect.”
This translation works because drama words—never, always, nothing—aren’t literal but emotional intensifiers. Psychologists call this “hyperbole for emphasis.” Every lover from Paris to Phoenix uses superlatives to express heartfelt needs. By pausing on those big words and asking, “It sounds like you need…?” you shift from clash to conversation. You turn misfires into bridges. Soon she learns to phrase, and you learn to translate. It’s not magic—it’s mindful listening and empathy, proven by decades of psychotherapy research.
Next time you hear her say “You always…,” hit the pause button in your mind. Ask gently, “Help me understand—what do you need most right now?” Then offer simple validation: “I’m here and I want to get this.” Give it a try today.
What You'll Achieve
Prevent literal misinterpretation of emotional speech, so you defuse 80% of conflicts at the start. Externally, you’ll foster clearer, more compassionate dialogues.
Translate Feelings, Avoid Offense
Pause on dramatic words
When she says “You never listen,” resist answering literally. Instead think, “What she really means is, ‘I need to feel heard.’” Use that insight to avoid defensiveness.
Ask clarifying questions
Follow up with “When do you most need me to listen?” This shifts the tone from conflict to cooperation and helps you understand her real request.
Offer empathetic signals
Reflect back small affirmations—“I’m here, I hear you”—to confirm her feelings without diving into solutions until she asks.
Reflection Questions
- Which hyperbolic words does she use most, and what need sits behind them?
- How can you practice translating her intensifiers into core feelings before responding?
- What question will you ask next time to clarify her emotional message?
Personalization Tips
- Customer service: When a client says “You always ignore my emails,” read it as “I want to feel prioritized” and ask “How can we respond faster?”
- Teaching: If a student moans “You never explain,” interpret as “I need more guidance” and ask “Which part should I clarify?”
- Coaching: When an athlete says “You don’t care,” translate as “I’m under pressure” and respond “Tell me what’s stressing you most.”
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
Ready to Take Action?
Get the Mentorist app and turn insights like these into daily habits.