Stop Fixing and Start Feeling Heard

I’ll admit—I once wore my Mr. Fix-It hat every time my wife began venting about her day. I’d interrupt mid-story: “Here’s what you should do...” Only to watch her lips press together and her shoulders slump further. One night she simply sighed, “I don’t want solutions.” That moment taught me a big lesson.

My wife, Bonnie, had come home exhausted, her ideas tumbling like leaves in a windstorm. Instead of seizing on the first “fix,” I leaned back and said, “It sounds like that meeting really drained you.” She stopped, blinked, and said, “Yes.” That’s all it took to give her air to breathe. She paused, exhaled, and continued her story.

As I resisted the urge to jump in, she began untangling her thoughts. Every “uh-huh” I made nudged her closer to feeling relief. By simply listening, I became the support she needed—it was a shift as powerful as slapping on a wrench with my old fix-it instincts.

Behavioral research calls this empathic listening, a proven way to lower stress hormones and deepen connection. It’s not about being silent; it’s about holding space for someone’s steam to release before offering steam-cleaning advice.

Next time she lets off steam, pause your urge to solve. Take a breath, make a quiet “uh-huh,” and say “I can hear how frustrated you feel.” Notice how just mirroring her emotions helps her unwind, and watch your bond grow. Give it a shot at dinner tonight.