Discomfort drives distraction, so learn to surf the urge

People often think distraction is about the thing: the phone, the app, the cookie. It’s usually about the feeling under it. Boredom, anxiety, restlessness—our brains reach for quick relief. The counterintuitive move is to stop fighting the urge and get curious about it. When you tell yourself “I can, just not now,” you take back the wheel without yanking it.

A grad student described how late‑night scrolling wrecked his sleep. The moment he lay down, he felt a buzz of energy behind his eyes. His phone hummed on the nightstand. He started the ten‑minute rule. When the urge hit, he whispered, “I can, just not now,” set a timer, and placed his hand on his chest. He noticed a flutter, then warmth. Two minutes in, the edge softened. Some nights he still scrolled, but most nights the wave passed. The coolness of the sheet under his palm was his anchor.

This approach draws from acceptance and commitment techniques and Wegner’s ironic process theory. Suppressing thoughts tends to backfire, making them rebound stronger. Allowing urges to rise and fall, like a surfer riding a wave, lets your nervous system settle without a fight. Over time, your brain learns that uncomfortable sensations are safe to feel and temporary.

Pair urge surfing with “liminal moment” awareness, the tiny transitions that often derail us: app loading spinners, elevator rides, post‑meeting gaps. These are prime times to insert the ten‑minute pause. You’re not white‑knuckling forever, you’re choosing for ten minutes. That’s doable, honest, and surprisingly effective.

Catch a transition today—the moment your fingers reach for a tab, or your eyes drift to the phone. Tell yourself, “I can, just not now,” and set a ten‑minute timer. Close your eyes, scan your body, and narrate what you feel like a curious scientist until the sensations shift. When the timer ends, choose intentionally: return to your plan, or schedule the indulgence later. Note one win in a quick log so your brain links this skill with success. Try it the next time you hit a mid‑afternoon dip.