Distance makes it easier to hurt unnoticed

Years ago I composed an urgent text to a colleague across time zones—frantic words flew off my fingertips. I hit send without a second thought, imagining only the project’s tight deadline. Dawn in her city, the phone buzzed on her nightstand and her eyes flickered open to my insistent demands. She replied hours later, voice low, explaining how the message broke her sleep and left her anxious.

At first I bristled: it was just logistics, I told myself. Yet as I retraced my words, I realized I had communicated with no sense of her as a person with concerns and needs. Had I been standing beside her, seeing her groggy eyes and hearing her sigh, I’d have chosen kinder phrasing.

Research shows that when we remove emotional cues—relying on distance and text—we unhook our empathy. Our brains treat the recipient as an abstract object, not a fellow human. The antidote? Narrow the gap: use voice, video, or even an emoji that reminds you of our shared humanity.

Next time you’re tempted to fire off a remote message, take a brief pause and bring to mind someone’s face and mood. Even a simple “How are you today?” can anchor your words in empathy and cut through the detachment of text or audio-off calls. Give it a try at your next message.