Create fair rules together so clicks don’t override kindness
When neighbors share a driveway, arguments over parking spots can flare quicker than a borrowed cup of sugar. One family insisted on first-come, first-served while another prized assigned spots by seniority. Each rule felt fair to its proponent, and neither side budged.
Inspired by the work of political philosopher T. M. Scanlon, they tried a new approach: everyone had veto power over any rule proposal. In one spirited session, they each voiced their top needs—ease of access, visitor flexibility, and neighborly goodwill—then drafted three trial rules that no one rejected. Within weeks, the driveway was dispute-free.
Scanlon’s contractualism argues that any rule we live by should be justifiable to those it affects. It isn’t about perfect compromise; it’s about crafting guidelines no reasonable person would reject.
Research in group decision-making shows that legitimizing every participant’s input—by acknowledging veto power—boosts commitment and satisfaction. When people help design the rules, they’re far likelier to follow them.
You’ve seen how giving veto power to everyone can break logjams and build rules people actually keep. Now gather your group, list the dilemmas you face, and invite each voice into the drafting process. Give everyone one veto chip and refine until no rule feels unfair. By setting agreements this way, you’ll avoid endless rehashing and create real buy-in. Give it a try at your next group meeting.
What You'll Achieve
You’ll co-create fair agreements that everyone respects, reducing conflicts and boosting team trust and efficiency.
Invite input on key agreements
Identify shared dilemmas
List two or three decisions you make with a group—roommates splitting bills, family gift budgets, team meeting times. These are your ‘rules under construction.’
Ask for all perspectives
Invite each person involved to name their top priority and one concern. Use a round-robin format so everyone gets equal airtime and no one feels talked down to.
Brainstorm rule drafts
Based on those priorities, work together to propose one or two guidelines that balance the needs. For example, ‘Groceries are divided by usage share’ or ‘Each has two guest passes per month.’
Agree and revisit
Formally agree to try the new rules for one month, then revisit to see what feels unfair or cumbersome. Adjust as you learn—rules should evolve with needs.
Reflection Questions
- Which group rule today feels most unfair to someone?
- How would that person draft it if they had veto power?
- What’s one small change that would make the rule acceptable?
- How could you institutionalize this rule-making process for future decisions?
Personalization Tips
- At work, use a quick survey to co-create guidelines for responding to emails—Balancing promptness with uninterrupted focus time.
- For carpooling, have each driver list their ideal pickup window and budget; then draft a rotating schedule that best balances convenience with fairness.
- In your book club, have members anonymously rank stressor dates; then co-decide on a meeting rhythm that keeps both excitement and practicality high.
How to Be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question
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