You can’t win happiness, you can only play it forever

At 25, Steven Bartlett sat at his desk in New York, scanning an old diary entry that spelled out his teenager goals: millionaire by 25, Range Rover, perfect partner. His heart thudded as he realized he had checked every box. Yet instead of giddy elation, he felt a hollow echo. The stable hum of the office air-conditioning, the faint click of his keyboard and the sight of unopened champagne bottles in the corner pressed on him. He paused, finger hovering over an email. “Why doesn’t this feel like victory?” he whispered to himself.

The memory jolted him back ten years—sleeping on a threadbare sofa in Manchester, trying to salvage spare change for a Chicken Tonight pizza. Back then, he imagined there was a finish line marked “HAPPINESS.” When he reached it, he thought the confetti would rain and every song would sound triumphant. But life didn’t conform. That realization hit him like a brick: happiness wasn’t something to cross off a checklist.

He recalled a conversation with a friend about James Carse’s book on infinite games. In sports, the whistle ends the game. In life, there is no final whistle. He saw how he had been playing life as football—aiming for a score—when it was more like jazz—improvisational, endless. The clatter of a coffee cup on a saucer snapped him back to the present. He understood: if life is infinite, chasing a destination only steals the joy of the journey.

From that day on, Steven began to shift his focus. He celebrated daily, no matter how small: a well-received post, a kind message, a new idea that sparked excitement. He noticed his stress levels dip and his curiosity surge. Instead of running toward a far-off finish line, he chose to dance with the endless rhythm of life.

This shift reflects a key principle from behavioral science: when you accept that happiness is an infinite game, you free yourself from arbitrary finish lines. You trade a fragile, future-dependent happiness for a resilient, present-anchored fulfillment that endures until you step off the field.

Start by reframing your top three goals into ongoing processes. Then, set simple reminders—three times a day—to pause and notice what’s going right. Celebrate every small win in a notebook, and each Sunday evening review what worked and what drained you. Over time, noticing progress every day will make the pursuit of happiness feel more like a perpetual, joyful journey than a sprint toward some distant finish line. Give it a try tonight.