Use the Lens of Compassion to Ease Conflict

Jordan braced for another tense negotiation. At the last meeting, his counterpart’s curt tone shut down discussion. Instead of stewing, Jordan paused, took a slow breath, and imagined a backstory: maybe his counterpart was juggling personal crises or corporate pressure. Armed with that perspective, Jordan addressed her gently: “It seems you have a lot on your plate today—how can we make this smoother for you?”

Her shoulders relaxed. She shared that her team’s recent merger had upended her routine and stressed her family life. Jordan listened without judgment and suggested a brief break before tackling the next agenda item. The meeting resumed with warmth and collaboration, and they closed the deal on favorable terms.

Research in the Journal of Applied Psychology finds that when we attribute others’ rudeness to external pressures rather than personal failings, we feel less anger and more empathy. Compassion reframes conflict as a shared challenge, not a personal attack. That shift disarms defensiveness and opens the door to solutions.

By gently extending understanding, Jordan transformed a rocky negotiation into a productive partnership. Compassion didn’t excuse bad behavior, but it diffused it and rebuilt trust, illustrating how strategic empathy can reshape outcomes in any high-stakes setting.

Next time you feel someone’s sarcasm or impatience, pause and try picturing a private struggle behind their behavior. Then address them with a calm, helpful question—perhaps offering a short break or listening ear. Notice how this small shift in perspective softens tension and can turn a showdown into a collaboration. Give it a try before your next stressful interaction.