Your default yes is draining your power to choose

Your phone buzzes while you’re halfway through a report, then a calendar invite lands, then a DM reads, “Can you jump on a quick call?” You hear yourself say yes before you’ve even stood up. By late afternoon, the coffee on your desk is cold, your most important task is untouched, and you’re annoyed at the world and a little at yourself. It feels like being carried by the current.

Next time a request comes, you repeat it back, “You’re asking for the customer slides by Friday, right?” You take two slow breaths. The room doesn’t spin, your shoulders release a notch. You quietly ask, “Is this the most important thing I can do right now?” The honest answer is no. You reply, “I’m not able to take that on by Friday. I can contribute three key charts by next Wednesday if that helps.” The other person pauses, then says, “That works.”

Later that evening, you jot the moment in a small “choices” note on your phone. You write how the pause felt, what you said, and how it changed the day. Two lines, thirty seconds. A week of these entries shows a pattern: your default yes triggers when someone says “quick” or “urgent.” Now you recognize the cues.

I might be wrong, but what shifts here isn’t just your calendar—it’s your identity from responder to chooser. Behavioral science calls this moving from learned helplessness to agency. The two‑breath pause interrupts automaticity, a habit loop of cue‑react‑regret. Naming the request reduces ambiguity, which lowers social threat. Choice language—“I choose,” “I’m not able”—restores internal locus of control. Over time, that small pause compounds into days reclaimed for the work that actually matters.

When the next ask lands, slow down. Repeat the request to surface scope, then take two steady breaths to drop the pressure in your body. Ask yourself if this is the most important thing you can do right now, and if it isn’t, reply with choice language that protects your priorities and, if useful, offers a smaller, later contribution. Capture the moment in a tiny ‘choices’ note so you can spot your personal triggers and wins. Do this five times this week and see how your focus and mood change by Friday. Give it a try tonight.