When Good Intentions Backfire Without This Alignment

Picture Jenna, who meant to follow up gently with a vendor about a late delivery. Her email read, “I’m disappointed you missed our deadline.” She intended to motivate. Instead, the vendor bristled and stalled further. Only then did Jenna realize her words sounded accusatory, not collaborative.

This mismatch between intent and impact is surprisingly common. Studies in organizational psychology show that leaders who fail to align how they deliver news end up damaging trust and morale—even when they mean well.

The secret is a brief pre-flight check: pause to ask, “How might this sound on the other end?” Previewing your message through that lens activates empathy and lets you catch phrases that could derail your purpose.

Before your next conversation, email, or text, run it through these steps. You’ll bridge the gap between what you mean and how it’s received—ensuring your good intentions truly land as intended.

Next time you need to deliver a tough message, pause and note your true aim in a sentence. Then imagine how each sentence might land—harsh, cautious, or hopeful—and tweak your tone or wording to reflect your intent. If possible, run the draft by someone you trust, asking them exactly “How does this read to you?” Use their feedback to polish your words so your intention and impact align. Give it a try on your next important email.