Great negotiators feel what the other side feels

You’re gearing up for a tough negotiation with a colleague who’s been resistant to your proposals. Usually, you’d launch straight into data and deadlines—only to hit a wall of “no” or blank stares. What if instead you paused to truly tune in? Expert negotiators know you don’t win by bulldozing through numbers, but by first feeling your counterpart’s concerns. So you start with open questions—“What’s your priority on this project?”—and really listen. You mirror back what you hear, nodding as they share what keeps them up at night.

That simple shift changes everything. Because when people feel understood, their defenses relax. The air goes from tense to conversational. Suddenly you’re brainstorming together rather than sparring. You find creative options—maybe a compromise on timelines or a pilot program—that you’d never have considered if you’d stuck to your original agenda. Neuroscience confirms this: perspective taking lights up areas in your own brain associated with empathy, forging a bridge between you.

And here’s the kicker: you don’t lose power by stepping into someone else’s shoes. You earn credibility, trust, and a deeper understanding of the true stakes. Next time you face a negotiation—at work, at home, even deciding which restaurant to pick first—ask one simple question, mirror back their answer, and then share your own needs. Give it a try in your next conversation—watch how the dynamic shifts from battle to partnership.

The next time you need to persuade someone, begin by genuinely asking about their concerns, then reflect back what you hear: “It sounds like you’re worried about…” Pause and let that sink in. Then calmly share your own position and emotional landscape—“I’m eager to get this moving because…” This exchange builds trust, reveals hidden levers, and opens the door to mutual solutions. Try it in your next meeting tonight.