Create conversational sparks that people replay and remember

You know the script by heart. “What do you do?” “How’s it going?” “Been busy?” It fills air, then dies. You finish the chat and can’t remember their name by the time your coffee turns cold. The fix isn’t more charm, it’s better questions and attention to what the brain loves: novelty, specificity, and small rewards.

Start with a tiny upgrade. Instead of “How are you?” try “What was the highlight of your day?” Watch for the moment their voice picks up or their shoulders rise. That’s a hot button. Linger. Ask, “How did that happen?” or “What surprised you about it?” When you do, you give them a little dopamine bump, the same inner “yes” we feel when we get a small win. People remember who made them feel that.

You can also use the oddball effect on purpose. Slightly unusual prompts wake people up. A friend once asked me, “What’s a tiny experiment you’re running on yourself this month?” We ended up trading the funniest stories about screen‑time hacks and cold showers. Two weeks later, we were swapping progress updates like teammates. I might be wrong, but I don’t think we’d have bonded over “So, what’s new?”

Names matter, too. Repeat the name back, picture it spelled out, and tie it to something vivid. “Nice to meet you, Eliza… with a Z.” Or link “Syder” to a mug of cider in your head. Later, when you say their name without hesitation, it’s another small reward they feel as care.

Under the hood, novelty cues the brain’s reward pathways, and specific follow‑ups deepen encoding in memory. Hot‑button hunting keeps you in the zones where people feel enthusiastic, which creates more enjoyable, sticky conversations and reduces the urge to escape back to your phone.

Ditch one stale opener and use a fresh one that invites a story, then watch for the first sign of lift in their voice or posture and stay with it using two follow‑ups. Add one specific, slightly odd prompt to spark novelty, and anchor their name by repeating it and linking it to a vivid image. You’ll feel the conversation click into place. Try this with the next person you greet today.