Why Talking to Yourself Like ‘You’ Makes You a Better Boss

Research on self-talk, or ‘‘mindchatter,’’ reveals that the pronouns we use affect motivation and resilience. When people default to “I” statements—“I’m stressed,” “I’m overwhelmed”—they reinforce a fixed mindset and feel stuck. In contrast, second-person self-talk—“You can handle this,” “You’re learning”—creates psychological distance that helps us view challenges objectively and stay motivated.

In a study at a leadership program, 189 executives wrote letters to themselves about future goals, some using “I” heavily and others using “you.” Those whose letters were packed with second-person phrasing were rated as less likely to derail, more confident, and more growth-oriented by their peers. It’s a simple tweak, but it rewires neural pathways so your inner coach replaces your inner critic.

Implementing this shift only takes a few minutes a day, but the payoff is huge: better self-regulation, higher resilience under stress, and a mindset tuned to growth. By turning “I can’t” into “You can,” you harness a research-backed trick for anyone facing the pressures of leadership. It works because you’re no longer stuck inside your own doubt—you’re guiding yourself toward action.

First, notice every “I can’t” or “I must” you tell yourself by jotting them on a sticky note. Then rephrase each as a “You can” or “You will” statement to create mental distance. Read these aloud each morning for three minutes, letting the second-person language sink in. Finally, set a wallpaper or desk sign that asks, “How would you coach yourself today?” to keep your mind tuned to encouragement. Try it tomorrow morning.