How Your Unseen Leadership Script Shapes Every Decision

Psychologists in identity theory explain that we internalize “scripts” for every role we play—child, friend, sibling, employee—and act them out like lines in a play. These scripts guide our expectations, behaviors, and even our feelings of success. A manager who still sees themselves as a solo contributor will unconsciously script every discussion around personal expertise rather than team progress.

In one study of new leaders, Joseph’s default “It’s about me” narrative repeatedly triggered defensiveness in peers and direct reports. Sitting alone in a quiet office, the hum of the air conditioner and the smell of fresh reports on his desk reminded him of the days he crushed metrics on his own. But those same strengths now created distance. Cognitive research shows that outdated scripts not only fracture relationships but also limit a leader’s ability to innovate through collaboration.

By consciously rewriting your internal script—swapping lines of self-praise for scenes of collective achievement—you rewire neural pathways for social engagement. Role-play exercises in leadership labs have demonstrated that leaders who rehearse new scripts show immediate boosts in team cohesion and trust. When your script becomes “It’s not about me anymore,” you unlock the full potential of your people and transform every decision into a shared victory.

You start by asking yourself at night to record how often you used “I” versus “we” so you can identify outdated scenes in your leadership play. The next evening, you circle moments when solo language held you back and draft two crisp sentences that redefine your role as a coach of the team. Then, you rehearse these new lines in a mock team meeting until they flow naturally, embedding the flipped script in your behavior. Give it a try tonight.