Why the ‘Me First’ Mindset Costs You as a New Boss

You step into Monday’s meeting with a heavy heart—your coffee’s gone cold, and the buzz of your phone feels like an accusation. As you speak, your team’s eyes drift to their screens. You can’t shake the thought that every update starts with “I” and “my,” until you remember the moment you were brought in for that promotion. It was your track record as a solo star, and yet here you are, realizing that what made you shine now isolates you from the people who matter.

Last week, Anna missed her slide deadline, and instead of asking why, you pointed out how your own process could have been faster. Hearing yourself say, “I’d never miss a detail like that,” triggered a silence that filled the room. You might be wrong, but science tells us that an individual-contributor script anchored to “me” creates distance. Identity theory suggests that shifting from an “I” to a “we” mindset rewires your role from performer to collaborator, instantly boosting group morale and cohesion.

Today, you decide to try something different. You start by saying, “We hit 70% of our target last week—great effort, team.” You lean forward, make eye contact, and invite Emma to share her ideas on the next milestone. Her face lights up. In that moment, you feel connection. You’re no longer the solo act; you’re the conductor of a symphony. Leadership research proves that collective focus—flipping your script from “It’s about me” to “It’s about us”—drives engagement, trust, and performance.

You begin by identifying your team’s top three goals and writing them on a whiteboard so everyone can see and own them. Next, you deliberately celebrate a colleague’s win each morning—be it a quick shout-out or a high-five—to move the spotlight off yourself. You swap every “I” with “we” when talking about progress to reinforce unity. Finally, you end each meeting by naming specific team members whose efforts made success possible. Give it a try tonight.