Stop Networking and Just Be a Friend

We all know networking should be less like schmoozing at a cocktail party and more like extending a hand to a neighbor. Paul Erdös built the world’s largest mathematics network simply by traveling to collaborators and offering to work on their proofs—no agenda beyond friendship and shared passion. His “Erdös number” endures as a badge of genuine connection.

Modern research shows that reawakening dormant friendships is the fastest route to a powerful network. Notre Dame scientists found that reactivating old contacts boosts job leads and support more effectively than cold-calling new prospects. Harvard’s Shawn Achor adds that friendships at work slash stress and ramp up happiness. Yet so few of us prioritize reaching out.

The secret is to ask, “How can I help you?” not “What can you do for me?” Sociologists call this “fictive kinship”—treating friends like family creates enduring bonds and mutual trust. And when people race to help their friends, they build a safety net of opportunities and goodwill.

So skip the hollow “connect request” and send a true friend request: a sincere message, a thoughtful question, and a small favor. In a week, you’ll feel less lonely, more supported, and—unexpected bonus—your network will thrive without sleaze or sales pitch.

Rekindle your network the way you’d reach out to family. Pick three friends or colleagues you’ve lost touch with and send a warm message asking to catch up. Come armed with one thoughtful question about their latest project, and share a small piece of helpful information—an intro or resource—just for the sake of being helpful. You’ll reignite genuine connections that lead to opportunity and mutual support.