Develop Mindsight: Helping Children—and Yourself—Choose What to Focus On

When a child is caught in perfectionism, worry, or self-criticism, they’re often stuck on just one tiny part of themselves, as if their whole world shrank to a knot in their stomach or a thought they can’t shake. The wheel of awareness offers a way out. The hub—your calm, observing self—always waits at the center, watching a constantly turning rim that holds thoughts, sensations, feelings, and memories. Mindsight is the practice of noticing these rim points and—crucially—learning that you can choose where to place your attention.

Behavioral science shows where we focus, our brain strengthens, literally building new connections. By noticing, then shifting, we practice not just self-soothing but self-direction. Parents who help their children SIFT through their internal states nurture kids who can recognize anxiety or anger for what it is and redirect to more helpful coping skills, without feeling overwhelmed or doomed.

You don’t have to get rid of tough feelings. Instead, the wheel framework teaches that you’re much bigger than any one emotion or worry—every child, and adult, can learn to pick what gets their focus next.

Sit down—either alone or with your child—and sketch a simple wheel: a center hub and a round rim. Begin a SIFT check-in: what can you sense in your body, see in your mind’s eye, feel in your heart, and hear in your head? Name each, without judging, then try moving your attention back to the center by feeling your breath go in and out. From there, pick one pleasant or helpful rim point and let yourself rest your focus there for a while. Practicing this wheel approach, even just for a couple of minutes each day, teaches both you and your child that awareness and choice are always available, no matter which feeling shows up.