The Dependency Paradox Revealed: Rely More to Become Freer

It seems counterintuitive: we’re told to stand on our own two feet, to chase confidence through independence. Yet, psychology turns that advice upside down. As it turns out, the more you know someone has your back, the farther you’ll dare to roam. This is the 'dependency paradox'—the finding that greater healthy dependency unlocks greater autonomy and adventure.

Consider the classic 'strange situation test': a toddler, eager and curious, explores a room of new toys only as long as their parent remains nearby. When the parent leaves, play stops; when they return, play resumes with delight. Adults function similarly. In workplaces, school, or creative pursuits, studies show people thrive most when they feel certain a trusted person is available if things go wrong—even if that anchor is rarely called upon in crisis.

It’s not about clinging or smothering. Creating a secure base—a relationship defined by dependable support—frees you to take chances. Knowing you can return to safety, emotionally or literally, makes the world less intimidating and opens doors to growth. Cultivating that secure base in your daily life isn’t just comforting—it’s a neuroscientific route to resilience and confidence.

Pick one or two people who make you feel safe, and ask for one concrete way they can support you this week—make it small and doable. When you hit big or little challenges, let yourself rely on their reassurance, and pay close attention to how this changes your willingness to step out of your comfort zone. Notice, and thank them sincerely, then offer the same in return. The cycle of secure support turns independence from theory into real, shared bravery. Try it out with just one action today.