The Life-Lie: Why Self-Defeating Excuses Sabotage Real Change—And How to Break Free
At the back of your planner—or in the tired corners of your mind—there are reasons you haven’t tried for the promotion, rekindled that friendship, or applied for a course. The justifications are familiar as old shoes: no time, bad boss, family distractions. But there’s an unease creeping in when someone gently asks, 'What are you doing to change that?' You bristle, ready with another defense. Still, you can’t shake the suspicion that some of these stories are less about truth than about staying comfortable, even if it means being stuck.
One evening, after bingeing shows and scrolling yet again on your phone, you write out your top five excuses. They’re oddly comforting in their predictability. Then—almost on a dare—you take 'I can’t exercise because I’m too tired after work' and reframe it: 'I am choosing not to exercise after work.' That tiny rewrite stings, but it’s honest. The next day, you walk around your block once—hardly a marathon, but the old excuse loses just a little bit of its hold.
This echoes Adler's diagnosis of the 'life-lie'—the tendency to shield ourselves from risky, uncertain, or effortful change by inventing convenient reasons we can’t move forward. It’s uncomfortable to see, but liberating once exposed, because it puts the power to change back in your hands.
Take a moment to jot down the most common excuses you use for avoiding growth—the ones that sound reasonable but keep you stuck. Choose one life area where you’re dissatisfied yet not moving, and rewrite your explanation from blaming others or circumstances to admitting it’s a choice right now. Next, commit to a single, small action that defies your old excuse—send the email, clean your space, or practice a new skill just for today. Pay attention to how it feels to move from excuse to action, and let the result inform your next step. This isn’t easy, but it starts right where you are.
What You'll Achieve
You’ll see through and dismantle limiting patterns, boosting your ability to make real changes instead of staying stuck in frustrating loops. This insight increases self-awareness, emotional honesty, and empowers practical action.
Spot and Reframe Your Favorite Excuse Pattern
List top excuses you use to delay difficult changes.
Think of phrases like 'my boss is impossible', 'school is too hard', or 'my friends hold me back.'
Select one area where you’re unhappy but passive.
Pick an aspect of life—friendship, work, health—where you avoid responsibility by blaming people or circumstances.
Write a new statement of responsibility focused on the present.
Turn 'I can't do X because of Y' into 'I am choosing not to do X right now.'
Design one small experiment to test a new approach.
Take a single practical action in the chosen area, even if it contradicts your old excuse, and observe what happens.
Reflection Questions
- What excuses do you rely on most often to justify not acting?
- How does shifting responsibility to yourself feel—liberating or uncomfortable?
- What is one experiment you could run to challenge an old belief?
- What do you learn when you act despite your excuses?
Personalization Tips
- If you believe your job is boring because of a difficult manager, attempt a proactive task for your own growth instead of waiting for approval.
- If you haven’t reached out to a friend due to fear of rejection, send a simple message and see the response—rather than predicting rejection.
- For students blaming poor grades on unhelpful teachers, focus on one topic independently and track your own progress.
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