Why Setting Boundaries and Suspending Contact Isn’t Selfish—It’s Essential to Your Emotional Health

Brad had always tried to make things work. When his mother called in tears about her landlord, he let her move in, even though work was frantic and family life was already strained. Soon his blood pressure climbed and tension spilled over between his kids and wife. Yet when he pictured refusing his mom’s next demand or asking her to find her own place, a wave of guilt threatened to knock him over.

Eventually, he reached his limit. After another door-slamming scene, he calmly asked her to prepare to move into a small rental. She gasped at the audacity. But Brad finally saw that making his own mental health a priority was an act of adulthood, not betrayal.

Psychological research makes it clear that healthy boundaries—even suspending contact when necessary—are acts of self-care. They're not signs of selfishness but essential moves for breaking out of toxic enmeshment and reclaiming energy for your own life and relationships.

Take stock: Where do you feel most drained in your current relationships? Write down areas where your boundaries are crossed—anything from chronic guilt trips to constant requests for help. Get specific about what you can offer without resentment, and where you're simply tapped out. If you need to set a new limit or even suspend contact, plan a direct statement or decisive action—no long explanations are needed. When guilt or doubt creeps in afterward, practice simple self-compassion, reminding yourself that you matter just as much as anyone else. Boundaries let you grow; they aren’t walls, they’re the doors you choose to open.