Why Defining Yourself Beyond Motherhood Unlocks Your Child's Potential Too

You recognize that life has become a blur of feeding schedules, laundry piles, and endless to-do lists. One evening your phone buzzes with a message from a friend: "Do you still go to dance class?" You realize you haven’t in months. That next Saturday, you carve out a bit of time, even though the house is chaotic. Your heart pounds with guilt—shouldn’t you be folding those clothes, reorganizing your kid’s toys? But your partner looks at you with surprise and then a little support, and you step out, shoes in hand.

When you return an hour later, you feel lighter, so you tell your child about your dance class. Their eyes widen as you show them a quick move. Later, as you cook together, your child mimics your dance step, giggling. You see it in their face: you are more than the person who delivers snacks. The next day, you ask your partner to take care of bath time—after all, you both made this family, so you both get to shape it. The relief is subtle but deep.

Research in developmental psychology shows that children who observe their caregivers pursuing personal interests and handling mixed responsibilities tend to develop higher self-esteem and broader notions of their own identity. When caregivers embrace their full personhood, they unconsciously give permission—and the tools—for their children to do the same. The healthiest households model balance and imperfection: sometimes, loving yourself is the foundation for loving and raising strong kids.

This week, make it your mission to carve out a fixed time just for yourself, whether that means revisiting a favorite book, going for a walk, or simply sitting with a coffee. Start sharing little stories with your child about what excites or challenges you beyond family life. When tasks pile on, remember it’s not only fine but healthy to ask for help from those around you, letting go of the idea that every role or emotion should fall on your shoulders. As you practice these steps, notice how your sense of self expands and your child’s admiration and independence bloom alongside your own. Try it soon and notice the difference.