Grit Is Grown, Not Given: The Power of a Supportive and Demanding Culture
When Cody, a first-generation college student, struggled to balance a challenging course load, he wasn’t rescued by a single inspirational speech or a magic opportunity. Instead, he found just the right combination of high expectations and warm support: a math teacher who insisted on excellence—and never let him believe he couldn’t reach it—but also checked on his progress, lent a sympathetic ear, and celebrated his breakthroughs. The teacher’s belief was clear: Cody had what it took, but he’d also get honest feedback and time to reflect on mistakes.
Across classrooms, offices, and families, this pattern repeats. The environments that consistently produce gritty individuals mix demanding standards with nurturing, responsive support. Wise parenting, coaching, or leadership isn’t about authoritarian commands or leaving people adrift; it’s about broadcasting, 'I care deeply about you—and I won’t let you coast or quit when things get tough.'
Survey after survey finds that people grow most when they know someone expects great things—and will stay in their corner when setbacks hit. Psychologically, this mix increases not only achievement but the likelihood that the next generation will copy both the values and the grit of their models. The Hard Thing Rule—in which everyone picks and sticks with a difficult task for a real chunk of time—builds both identity and practical toughness, regardless of age or background.
This week, make it a point to pair encouragement with explicit, high standards for those you teach, manage, or care about—let them know you’re rooting for them to rise to the challenge, not just feel good. When setbacks hit, deliver feedback that says 'I believe you’ve got this,' then lay out clearly what needs to be done and offer practical help. Set your own personal Hard Thing Rule: choose something that pushes your limits, and commit to seeing it through—to the end of the quarter, season, or a natural milestone. Open up about times you nearly quit—including all the struggles along the way—so others can see grit is grown, not given. Try these steps, and watch the culture around you shift for the better.
What You'll Achieve
You’ll help cultivate perseverance, emotional resilience, and long-term motivation in yourself and others. Expect to see more sticking-with-it behavior in your community or team, and stronger trust built on real support and high challenge.
Foster Grit through Wise Support and High Standards
Model and communicate both warmth and high expectations.
In your work, family, or classroom, visibly combine encouragement with clear standards. Make it normal to say, 'I know you can do this—and I expect you to stick with it.'
Emulate 'wise parenting' or 'wise leadership' with feedback.
When someone faces a setback, explicitly give feedback that’s both supportive ('I believe in your ability to grow') and challenging ('Here’s what needs work; let's do it').
Set a personal 'Hard Thing Rule.'
Choose one difficult activity (workout, project, skill) for yourself and stick with it until a natural stopping point—don’t quit just because it’s hard. Encourage those you lead to do the same.
Reflect on your own perseverance—share stories.
Talk openly about your struggles and how you pushed through, especially with those you mentor or lead. Encourage others to tell theirs.
Reflection Questions
- Do I tend to err more on warmth or on standards?
- How do I give feedback after a failure—too soft or too harsh?
- Which story of perseverance could I share with my team or family?
- What hard thing could I choose and commit to for the next three months?
Personalization Tips
- A teacher explains to students that she expects their best effort, but is always ready to help when assignments get tough.
- A parent encourages their child to choose a new instrument or sport, and insists they finish the semester before deciding to quit.
- A workplace manager holds staff to clear goals, while checking in empathetically after a major project stumbles.
Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance
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